Do you have a massive turd problem?

Is there a massive turd that continues to hang around like a fart no matter what you do? You think everything's fine, and then you get home, put on the kettle and the evening news, and then you realise it's still there! If these symptoms sound familiar, you need...

The Turd Remover is easy to use, good for your health, and best of all, free! Simply download the Turd Remover above and you can start removing that massive turd today!

Frequently Asked Questions

Who can use the Turd Remover?

If you feel that the world is in political turmoil and everything is going to shit, you should go to shit! The Turd Remover is suitable for anyone who is struggling to come to terms with having a massive turd problem.

Why should I use the Turd Remover?

Here are some of the many benefits of using the Turd Remover:

• Easy to use
• Fun to use
• Satisfying to use
• Good for your health
• Good for society
• Can be used while doing other activities, like reading a book or updating your Facebook status
• Free

How should I use the Turd Remover?

A happy metabolism is a healthy one, and a balanced diet helps to remove turds cleanly and quickly. For best results eat plenty of fruit, vegetables, and pulses, and remember to drink regularly.

How often and when should I use the Turd Remover?

That's entirely up to you. You can use the Turd Remover as often as you feel necessary. The Marathon Snail has a fairly quick metabolism and removes turds a couple of times a day. A recommended usage is at least once every 24 hours.

Where can I find the Turd Remover?

You can find the Turd Remover above. Simply save it, print it, stick it on the back of the toilet door, cut along the indicated lines, and start removing that massive turd!

Disclaimer

The Marathon Snail shall not be responsible for the quality, frequency, colour, smell, texture, or contents of other people's bowel evacuations. The Marathon Snail shall not be liable for the purchase of any products associated with the Turd Remover including but not limited to pulses and legumes, toilet roll, soap, disinfectant, or reading material.

The image used on the Turd Remover is from the painting by artist Illma Gore, who was punched in the face by a massive turd supporter and received threats of death, rape, and litigation for her work. 

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